biye

Marriage (biye) in Bangladesh is critical. In our initial HIV pilot project baseline survey almost everyone, male and female, answered "yes" to the statement "marriage is essential to a happy life." When I see what marriage involves, especially for rural girls/women, I really don't understand that view, but Bangladesh is not a place where nonconformity is valued. Still, it made me sad this morning to talk to the lady who cleans my friends house and hear her family situation. I knew one sister had been married a couple years ago at a very young age... 13. She also had a baby recently. So I was surprised when she said her other sister is 22 yet unmarried. She said this sister is "kalo" or black, and therefore the family cannot afford a dowry for her as more money would be needed to find a husband for a woman, who in this culture, is deemed undesirable by the shade of her skin. She said her sister, unlike her, can read and write, and can do beautiful Kantha, the traditional Bengali sewing/embroidery. But she's dark and poor and therefore can't getting married, feeling sad watching all her friends marry and have kids. As someone who thinks dark skin is so beautiful, I don't understand, nor do I understand determining a persons worth by such arbitrary criteria.